Tuesday, 01 July 2008

  • We're practically strangers now, xanga and I.

     It's been forever. Here's my life in a bulleted list.

    - Come check out my stuff at Art Fair off the square July 12th and 13th. I've been busy making stuff for that.

    - I went to Michigan with my family. They suck.

    - Jeep moved out. My parents call him everynight. Yuck.

    - I got an awesome new digital camera, pictures below.

    - I still don't have a job. John is yet to find an apartment. Fingers crossed on both. :] We're gonna get a family plan cellphone plan together.


    Carnation

    Lady slipper. (vagina flower?)

    Moss-like growth.

    Beach at the cabin.

    Yours truly.

Monday, 26 May 2008

  • summer -> the zoo

    The family sucks. I don't have a new job yet. I don't know what I'm going to do about graduating and trying to move out. I'm scared. I'm scared.
    But I hate this house and the people in it. John is the only person I like anymore.







Saturday, 03 May 2008

  • Stare at the smudge on a newspaper sky.

    Well. I haven't updated in a while, and that's fine and all.

    I've been trying to find a new job for a bit now. Hopefully I'll get a phone call soon.

    Thursday was John's 19th birthday.

    Wednesday afterschool I took him to Steve's Tattoo to get his tongue pierced. Then later that day we went to the go club, and Luke was there, and that was fun. John's tongur ring reallllyyyyyy stressed me out beacuse for some reason it just randomly efll out twice. But now he's been getting me to tighten it just in case, and it hasn't fallen out again.

    Thursday was his birthday, and he came to visit me at lunch, which was very sweet. In the evening Madison, John becca and I went to that asian buffet we always go to. John was able to eat and we all had fun. Then we decided to go Animart to pet the bunnies. Now, here's where the story gets interesting.

    John and I were hunched over with our fingers in this one cat's cage. And we were petting him and talking about how the very first thing we should do is get a cat together. And the cat we were petting was so sweet and soft. John said he wanted a siamese. I said they're kinda noisey but that's fine. And then, all of a sudden we had the cat out of his cage and we were gonna buy him.

    He's a domestic short hair. He's a big old guy with part of an ear missing. He was rescued from a house of 60 cats, he's front declawed and he is sooo sweet. He loves doing that rubby-cheeks thing that cats do. And because of his age and everything he was only $25. So, well, he should be at John's house today around noon, settling in to his new home.

    We're still thinking about names. So far we have these:
    - Henry (I think he looks like a Henry)
    - Guy (when he were playing with him we kept calling him that)
    - John watns to name him a japanese word and I think we could find one that works, but we haven't done so yet.
    - Virtute (Latin for valor. The Weakerthans have a song called Plea From A Cat Named Virtute, because the lead singer's cat is named that. They also have one called Virtute The Cat Explains Her Departure. Both good songs by a great band.) Pronounced verr-two-tay

    Anyway. It's really exciting. I feel like a little family, if you don't mind my saying so.

     

    Prom is next weekend. And I really doubt that Becca has done much to her dress and I really doubt that it's gonna be amazing. Just because, like, she doesn't seem excited now that the finishline is so near. And I'm definitely not going to Prom unless her dress is amazing. I should have gotten John to be my partner but I didn't know he would be this interested. He said that if Becca's is subpar he wants to make a suit (entries aren't due until June 14th) and enter with me. But I don't think I could be that mean to Becca. We'll see what happens.

    Speaking of Prom, Luke is hosting a dinner party beforehand and I'm supposed to work that night so when I go in tonight :[[[[ I'll try to get someone to fill in for me.

    I've been reallyyyyyy tired lately. And I thought I would actch up sleep this morning but a big construction truck showed up at like 5:30, which woke me up. And then my dad got up and was all moving around and being distracting. And then the construction guys worked for like 30 minutes at 7:15 which is bullshit because now they're gone. They could have worked that 30 minutes at like 10. Fuck them. I might vandalize their trucks. Write in sharpie DO NOT WORK ON SATURDAY MORNING YOU ASSHOLE on the windows.

Sunday, 27 April 2008

  • Watch their doubtful smiles begin

     

    I'm worried about myself. Something has definitely got to be wrong with me.

    I have a chemical imbalance. Or depression. Or something.

    I dunno. It's just, I've been swayed to tears quite easily lately. I've been worried about it for the last couple weeks. I get sad sooo easily. And I never feel rested. And Ceramics, biking, and music seem lack luster.

    Even when the nice weather was here it was like I could be ecstatic one moment and on the brink of tears the next. And John's stuck in the middle of it. I had been thinking maybe I should talk to him about it for several days and today I got one sentence out about it. Dr.John says I'm just stressed. And surely he's not to blame, but my mental/emotional state is, for the fact that he's been making me cry and annoyed directly inbetween being an amazing guy.

    Lastnight I had a pretty good night. But at one point he did that thing that I hate. When he's like, "Oh, I don't mind if ______." And what he really means is that he wants me to not be involved. Past examples include but are not limited to:
    - I don't mind if you go home (and he says it in a tone that is recognizable. Otherwise it would be perfectly acceptable.)
    - I don't mind if you don't want to come with.
    - I don't mind if you and Becca go to Old Navy

    I am usually not even comtemplating whether or not he minds because when he does mind something he makes it clear. And, I'll direct you to the fact that all those statements involve me not being included in whatever he's doing. It's never: I don't mind if you tag along. That would be a positive statement.

    Anyway, though.
    I feel like quite a wreck.

    He bought me a big beautiful Rhododendren bush this week. That was amazing. It was very very sweet. IT made me really happy and I feel lucky to be able to touch and look at it everyday.

    But I just feel like such a mess. Any little thing can just start me crying or stressing out. I'm in the process of looking for a better job. One that I have at least a little fun doing, and maybe make more money.

    I don't know how well living with Madison is going to work out. He's mean.

    I shuold call John and he would talk sweetly to me while I fall asleep.

    Will someone please make me feel better and strong and happy and beautiful again?

Saturday, 12 April 2008

  • And beauty's just another word I'm never certain how to spell

     

    God, I wish I could call-in to work. I am feeling very unenthuised about this weekend. Oh, and next weekend is going to suck. And the weekend after that as well.

    Sleep has not been working lately, like the past 6-ish days I haven't felt rested, and my legs have been very sore, they are less so now. But I feel like such an old lady because I'm sore all over. Yesterday at the art sale my legs/feet got really tired and then I walked to John's... and then we walked to Shopko, and then I walked home. So, my feet hurt. :[
    Then we went out for Chineses with Madison and Becca which was more fun than I was expecting. But then I came home and went to bed hoping for the first restful sleep all week and that didn't happen. In fact, my neck is very sore this morning, moral of the story: I'm an ooooold woman.
    And, it's snowing.
    And, weekends are not fun. I hate them.
    So, I wish I could call-in to work and get an amazing massage, or more realisticly: sleep.

    I don't expect Sunday to be enjoyable, either. And I think we all know why.

     

    And then this week will start. And I have a calculus test on Thursday, which I need to do homework to prepare for, because I would like to do well. Who knows whether the weather will be nice or not, and other such factors that effect the enjoyableness of the week. Oh! Yeah, report cards will come this week, which sucks a lot, because I'll have to tell my parents about dropping history of arts and ideas for a second studyhall. Poop. I have a 3.5. Because I have two studyhalls my B in Calc and French count more. But I ended up with a 92.8% in French, and 93% is an A, so that basically sucks a lottt.

    Next weekend Friday night/Saturday I have to go out of town and see where my brother is going to live soon. Hopefully I got the day(or I'll get yelled at and won't get to stay home anyway which is esentially all I want.) So, I might end up begging John not to go to club next week Sunday, even though thats all I ever want to do.

    Blahhhhhhhh. I need some Tylenol PM and 12 hours to spare, and a massage. Sun some might be nice as well. And then I would be good to go, but not right now. :[